This is the start of a series highlighting the traits and talents that Ryan and I hope our baby gets from each parent (and consequently doesn't get from the other parent). Y'all pray for us!
I'm good at a lot of things in life, but I was not blessed with an internal sense of direction. Ryan was. And he is a total map nerd. His 2nd grade teacher even gave him the classroom map at the end of the school year, because every day when he finished his work, he would ask to go look at the map and just stand there and study it. Not much has changed.
I'm good at a lot of things in life, but I was not blessed with an internal sense of direction. Ryan was. And he is a total map nerd. His 2nd grade teacher even gave him the classroom map at the end of the school year, because every day when he finished his work, he would ask to go look at the map and just stand there and study it. Not much has changed.
When we're traveling somewhere in which we need directions, he usually asks me to look them up on my phone's GPS. Really, he just wants the map because the second I say "I've got them", he asks to just look at the map. 14 seconds later, no matter where we are going, how far away it is, or how complicated the route, he hands my phone back to me and says, "I've got it. You can turn it off."
The man truly has a sixth sense about where we are, and how to get where we're going, even if it is in a city that we have literally never entered. I'm more of the girl who thinks "we came in from the left, but I don't remember any of the turns we took before then." I did manage to get an A in World Geography, but that's mostly because my teacher made up songs and taught us that Uzbekistan is shaped like an Uzi pistol...true story - go look it up on a map.
When researching tropical vacation destinations, I asked Ryan, "When you are done with that, will you look up the Dominican Republic?" To which he replied, "I'm looking at Santo Domingo right now". I quickly assured him that I wasn't in a rush by saying, "Okay, but when you're done with that, will you please look up the Dominican Republic?" He sweetly smiled, agreed, and mumbled something about ordering me a map while he was at it. In my defense, there was no song about the DR in my 11th grade geography class, nor was there any mention of Santa being from Santo Domingo, or whatever other clever memory trick Mr. Evins thought up.
Many moons later, when we had first moved to our new city, I had my trusty phone GPS on voice directions while I was driving to an unfamiliar part of town. She helpfully told me that in one and a half miles, I would need to turn right on Market St. Then in a mile. Then in a half mile. You know the drill. Because I also have no depth perception (I'm truly the worst driver to ever somehow be legally licensed...offer to drive if we ever carpool), I have no earthly idea how far any of those distances actually are. I scanned the street signs, and even thought to myself "Now, I see a Marquette St, but my phone said Market St...guess I haven't gone far enough yet." It turns out that phone GPS systems just don't have the best pronunciation of street names sometimes, and I ended up driving right past my turn. Because I had the most hilarious GPS system ever before that phone tragically died, the navigation lady would get sassy if I missed a turn, and loudly sigh "Uhhh...RE-routing!" which I loosely translate to "Listen to me the first time, you idiot!" I'd like to tell her to learn how to pronounce "Marquette", but arguing with a GPS about her pronunciation just makes me look crazy.
When I made a ridiculously quick turnaround trip to drop off a guitar to Ryan at summer camp, he texted me the area of campus where his dorm was located and said "Park in the lot west of the gym." Because he was in a meeting at the time, he couldn't take my call, and because I am trying really hard to not kill all of us while I'm at the helm of a vehicle, I don't text and drive. I do, however, attempt to talk-to-text while I drive, but I can't exactly proofread it. And since the same technology that programs the talking GPS probably also fuels the talk-to-text feature, sometimes the message is lost in translation...literally.
So there I was, driving down I-80 at 75mph and I meant to ask "Which side is west?" My phone heard "Which side of the gym?", so Ryan repeated himself by sending another text that just said "West." Still driving and trying not to kill everyone in a 3 mile radius, I couldn't look at my last text to confirm that my phone had said what I told it to say. So I tried again. "What side of the gym?" Ryan's response: "10th St." Helpful, since both parking lots in question are on 10th St. Turns out my phone heard "Which street is the gym?" - not only was that NOT my question, but I would also never ask it with such poor grammar...maps may not be my thing, but (mostly) correct use of the English language is my thing! Driving, more confused than ever, and now irritated that the map nerd I married wouldn't just tell me WHICH SIDE OF THE GYM IS WEST, I threw my phone into the passenger seat and decided I would try again when I got there. All of this was unbeknownst to Ryan, as he never actually received the question "Which side of the gym is west?", I arrived, parked, and saw him walking toward me before I had time to look at my phone. His first question? "Why didn't you park in the West lot?" Ummm, because you wouldn't freaking tell me which lot that was, honey!!
A few weeks ago, we found a documentary on Netflix that I can't remember the name of, but it centers around a likeable guy who I think is named Scott and his less likeable college friend traveling the world for a year. The first episode started with them traversing Canada in something like 10 days. Neither Ryan nor I have ever been to Canada, but at each place these guys stopped, whether a major city or an obscure miniature rock desert, Ryan either knew where it was located, had a fun fact to share, or both. I mostly listened, nodded, and smiled. I remembered in the opening scenes that the main guy mentioned he was going to touch the Atlantic at the start, and the Pacific at the end. Thinking he meant that would be the start and finish of the whole year, I spent the entire episode thinking they were traveling from West to East. 53 minutes in, Ryan was sharing that they were really close to Alaska. Not being a map aficionado, but relatively certain that I knew the general vicinity where Alaska lives, my riveting contribution to the conversation was, "Huh. So they're going right to left...right?"
I could continue with the examples, but I think I have done a sufficient job of making you think I am an idiot. For the record, I do know which side is west when looking at a map...it's when I have to put it in practice in the world that I get completely turned around. If you need me, I'll be studying Ryan's 2nd grade map...I think I am going to need the extra study hours if I want any chance of helping our kid do his geography homework. In the meantime, if you ever need to know where Uzbekistan is (on a map, not in real life), call me.
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