When it comes to parenting in the world of technology, we feel mostly prepared to guide our boys through the maze. Clark has set amounts of screen time, he knows he isn't allowed to download anything without permission, he only has access to kid appropriate apps, and even understands how to look for the recommended ages on games when he is looking through the play store.
We know that the conversations will get more involved as he continues to grow, and that we will have to be diligent about staying informed on the latest technological advances. This is expected, and so we feel equipped to handle it.
What I was not equipped to handle was trying to parent a grown woman in the age of technology. My mother is armed with a smartphone and an internet connection, and let me tell you... that's enough to be dangerous.
I've come to realize that my educated, successful, reasonably intelligent mom requires more technology supervision than my 5 year old. The woman who was responsible for keeping me alive. The woman who was gainfully employed for 30+ years. An actual, bona fide adult.
These are a just *few* of our recent exchanges. As you read them, remember: educated, successful, reasonably intelligent, adult.
The Free iPad:
Mom: Hey! Do you have an iPad?
H: Yes, why?
M: Well, I just won one on Facebook!
H: No, you didn't.
M: Yes, I did! I was just scrolling through my page and then a new page popped up with confetti on it and said I had just won and all I needed to do was click a link and they'd send it to me.
H: Did you click anything?
M: No.
H: Are you sure?
M: No.
H: Did you click on anything after the confetti, mom??
M: I can't remember.
H: Mom. If you didn't enter a contest, you definitely didn't win anything. Why would Facebook give you a free iPad? Now you need to change your password.
M: Okay.
H:
M:
H:
M: How do I change my Facebook password?
Amazon:
Mom: Will you show me how to order something from Amazon?
H: Sure.
* 45 minutes later, via text*
H: Just tell me what you want and I'll order it.
M: Thanks. Here's a picture of my debit card.
*32 seconds later*
M: Heidi, did you get the card information before I delete the picture?
H: Not yet, but you deleting it won't take it off my phone.
M: Yes it will! I heard it wasn't safe to send your debit card over text, so I'm deleting it right away so the hackers can't get me.
H: MOM. Deleting it only removes it from your phone, not mine.
M: Oh no.
H: It's fine. I'll delete it as soon as I order and then you'll be safe, but don't send your financial information to people, ever.
M: Okay, I won't. Also, if you need it, my PIN is 6392.
H: MOM! Didn't I *just* say not to send your personal financial information to anyone via text?!
M: I'm sorry. I'll delete it.
Different Airwaves:
Mom: If I send you my login information, will you please get onto this specific website where I have an account and get something ordered?
H: Sure.
M: Here is my username. Let me know if you need the password, and I'll pm you. (This conversation was over text, and this 'pm' comment should have been the first red flag)
H: Yes, of course I will need your password.
M: Well, I don't know it. It just automatically pops up on my computer.
H: You're going to need to find it or I can't help you.
*This woman proceeded to leave our private text conversation, and in an attempt to open a message between the two of us on Facebook Messenger, she somehow managed to start one with 11 various friends and family*
Mom: *sends password and nothing else*
11 people in group message: What? I hope that's not a password. Why is she sending a random password to 11 of us?
H: Mom, why did you just leave our text conversation and send your password to an entire group message?
M: I thought it wasn't safe to send my username and password over the same airwaves!
H: First of all, it's all the same internet. Secondly, that's the wrong password...
Excess Inventory:
Mom: Have you ever thought about getting a pallet?
H: What?!
M: A pallet. They are $29. You should get one for you and one for me.
H: I literally have no idea what you are talking about, Mom.
M: Ebay and Amazon and Walmart have excess inventory and they can't store it all, so you pay them $29 and they send you a whole pallet of things. They have electronics, and furniture, and appliances!
H: Mom, that's a scam.
M: Okay. Thanks for telling me.
*7 minutes later*
Mom: Target has pallets of excess inventory for $9.99...
H: NO, mom. No, they do not.
I wonder what technology I won't understand in 30 years and the things Clark & Lincoln will have to painstakingly walk me through. Also to my boys, I apologize in advice.
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