Home

Home. It’s always been a bit of a fluid word for me, spanning 3 states and numerous cities. Las Vegas has always been on the list. Whether as a reference point while explaining that my dot on the map hometown is an hour away, or a story from the four years that it was my actual place of residence, Vegas has always been in the same sentence as ‘home’. While it has been years since I lived and worked there, waking up to the news today over 1,000 miles away shattered my heart just like it would if I was still 3 miles from Mandalay Bay.

First shock as I frantically scanned the articles, then relief as one by one, I saw my friends check in on social media as ‘safe’. Next came the nausea at the thought of why I hadn’t heard from some of the people I had texted. Trying to remind myself that it was in the 4am hour where they were, I sat on the edge of the tub with my face in my hands and my knees shaking, jumping at each noise my phone made, hoping it was another one of ‘my’ people saying they were okay. In the same moment, realization that so many people wouldn’t ever get that text. And in that moment, while I was overjoyed that ‘my’ people were all alive, every one of those concert goers became ‘my’ people.

At the heart of it, they are all ‘our’ people. They are fellow Las Vegans, and Southwesterners, and Midwesterners, and Americans, and just fellow human beings – that makes them our people. Our people are hurt, and broken, and dead today because of another one of our people. And I, personally, don’t need to know his name, or his age, or his background. 

We failed the victims and their families. Someone sold this person upwards of TWENTY rifles, and thousands of rounds of ammo (This isn’t an anti-gun issue for me. Have your guns. Use them responsibly. But also demand that nobody should have access to one without a rigorous screening, and that even after that screening, nobody needs that much ammo or the ability to make a weapon fully automatic). Someone saw a red flag somewhere and didn’t speak up. Someone let him walk out of a store with an alarming amount of guns and bullets, and someone else let him walk into a hotel with them.

I am a mom, and this blog is meant to be a forum to recount the fun, challenging, and hilarious stories that come with being a parent. But today, it serves as a heartbreaking reminder that this is the world my precious, innocent child is going to inherit. Doesn’t he deserve a world where this kind of behavior isn’t tolerated? I mean truly not tolerated. That means putting our money toward legislation that makes healthcare accessible and affordable and a real option for someone battling mental illness. And it means putting our money toward legislation that keeps it possible for responsible, law abiding, mentally stable recreational gun owners to obtain a firearm, while also making it an extremely rare circumstance for someone who is not all of those things to acquire a gun. It means empowering law enforcement and everyday citizens to be able to dive deeper into a situation when something doesn’t feel quite right. It means media taking a stand and vowing to never air the name or photo or front door or distant relative of the shooter. And maybe it even means fighting for a world where someone cannot purchase hundreds of bullets at a time. I know that one hits a nerve, but isn’t my child’s life worth the inconvenience?

Today, I am incredibly thankful that there were so many helpers there last night in my home. The police and the medics and the firefighters and the doctors and nurses and good Samaritans and all of the other people that I am failing to name. And I am selfishly thankful that my child is too small to understand what happened, and that I don’t have to look into his eyes and explain it. One rule as a parent that I am very passionate about is not burdening little people with big people problems. No kid should have to worry about their safety at school, or a movie theater, or a concert, or a festival, or a damn grocery store. And whatever we as big people have to do to make sure that is a fundamental truth, I am okay with.